Absolutely! At least half a dozen! Remember we're talking hypothetically!
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Whenever you’re ready I’m willing and able - Unless there’s sport on the telly.
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Either/Or. When sleeping I‘m mobile. The reverse diagonal’s a personal favourite.
4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Yep - I have - Several times. My only regret’s I should have charged more!
5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Yep! Indeedy! And twice in a pool. Once in the sea. Ditto a lake. Can water be a fetish?
6. Do you watch or read pornography?
Nope - Not now! But I have in the past. When young I was academically curious.
7. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Aggressive - No thanks! Passive - Why bother? Anyone fun suits me!
8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
Certainly not - That would be weird. Though several rather intrigue me!
9. Would you choose love or money?
Love’s overrated - I’d opt for the cash. Assuming we’re talking a fortune!
10. Your top three favourite kinks in bed?
Three kinks? I wish!! I don’t have any! Apart from joking and laughing a lot.
11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
Yes - They have - Several times. Long stories - Don’t ask. Some you may know.
12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
Mmm .. Not sure! The back of a car? T’was a vintage Rolls Royce if that helps.
13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Weirdest - Tricky! I guess a Balloon. In the basket beneath when grounded I mean.
14. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yep - By the parents - A tad embarrassing! They were less than amused I recall.
15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
Nope - Not yet. But anything's possible. I’ll be in the Pub from nine if you’re interested.
16. Ever been picked up in a bar?
I have - Who hasn’t? Picked up and picked on! Drink is such a dastardly thing!
17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yep - Don’t ask - I’m loathe to repeat. I deleted that post for a very good reason.
18. Do you own any sex toys?
Nope - Not one! I don’t feel the need. Mayhap when I’m married I’ll change my mind?
19. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Seriously naughty - Not that I know! Cheeky however - Definitely both.
20. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Never! How rude!? And just in case! I’d like to remind you that my name’s Adam!
The End ... x
]]>For one of the jigs the men danced together. Not really my thing - Despite being Metro. I started to giggle. I tried self control. Then promptly set about choking.
Loathe as I am to seek attention - He lied straight faced and carried on typing. Slaps on the back reminiscent of punches will never be my chosen method.
Once recovered I sat with the women - A Polish take on the Naughty Step? Chatted and smiled and received invitations - One to a dinner and one to a party.
Awesome - Thanks - Says I swigging Tyskie. My fourth or sixth - I’m crap with numbers! As soon as I mentioned Hannah however all of them seemed to lose interest.
After the session I drove home with Pawel to meet his wife and son. He and I were rather merry - His wife was far from impressed.
We ate - We drank - We talked non stop. For a while I played with their lad in the garden. When darkness fell - So did I. Into a coma slumped on their sofa.
I slept for an hour then abruptly awoke - To a unified chorus of Adam You’re Snoring! So sorry - I yawned - My behaviour’s disgraceful. At which point alas I unwittingly farted.
Adam ... x
]]>Don’t get me wrong they’re awesome people - Despite future mater calling me Petal. A term I despise with silent conviction. Methinks myself I’m more of a Bract.
Anyways - There we were - Toddling along and cursing the traffic. When out of the blue I’m asked the question - Where would I like to be married?
Only half listening and ten percent thinking I instantly said - Hoover Castle. I’m not even sure if there is such a place. But unbeknownst to you and them we’d just passed a shop selling Dysons.
Expensive - Oh My - Stop being a Putz! Filled the car in a tripartite trice. The latter from Hannah who sometimes lacks manners. Needless to say I recanted.
I jest - Says I - Suitably chastened. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Wherever you wish would suit me fine. Anyone fancy some lunch?
Five minutes later they’re inside a café while I’m outside puffing on ciggies. Hoover Castle taunts my brain - How could I be such a Yutz!?
A few seconds later it started to rain. Damn - I said - Then added Aswan!
Adam ... x
]]>In my hand rewritten assignment rejected so brusquely last week.
His secretary - A canny woman - Suggests I make an appointment.
But But - Says I - Lower lip quivering. It’s really rather important.
I’m sorry - She said - You’ll need an appointment. Would Friday morning suit?
No way - I say - It must be today! Then I commence my Little Boy Lost.
I’m pleading away and down on one knee - Eyes wide and close to tears.
Okay - She says - Enough already! Blimey I think - She sounds like me!
She disappears through oaken door - Returning in seconds with Boss in tow.
What - He said. You have one minute! I hold out the folder and bow.
He looks at me then flicks through pages. Better - He said - Now sod off.
My pleasure - I muttered. Span on one heel. And proudly left his office.
The End ... x
]]>I’ve several others best glossed over but one of late has caused a few problems. My affianced is finding it tricky. She doesn’t know how to respond.
The title’s the thing - It’s hard to explain. In short I’m not always there. I disconnect then view events as if they’re happening to somebody else.
The cause of course is childhood trauma - All of which is ancient history. My point today concerns the fact it causes a problem with intimacy.
I don’t mean sex. At that I‘m amazing! Okay! I’m not! But you’re not to know! It’s more a case of caring and sharing - I can’t or won’t do love.
Being fair this was explained well before we became engaged. Everyone nodded their understanding. Now it’s clear they hadn’t a clue!
Not to worry - Life goes on! FYI - I’m not seeking sympathy. I’m merely waffling and thinking aloud. If I were you I’d skip this post. Me - I’m off to work.
Adam ... x
]]>Ploughing through puddles with legs held high - Only my butt got wet.
Upon arrival the office was empty - Apart from a chappy called Pawel.
A cheerful guy. He hails from Łódź. We hope next year to hitch across Asia.
Anyways - There we were - Sipping hot coffee and musing on ants.
When out of the blue my cell phone rings. I’m summoned to see The Boss.
A rare event - I quiver and wibble - I couldn't remember his name.
I combed my hair and checked my flies then quietly muttered this prayer.
So help me G-d if he sacks me I’ll kill him! Knock Knock! Come in! Despair!
Screwed up on his desk I spot the assignment I handed in last week.
He scoops it up - Waves it about - Then drops it in the bin.
What came next was an eloquent lecture - Crap and sucks were frequently mentioned.
His final words - Do it again! At which point I realised I still held my coffee!
Quod Erat Demonstrandum ... x
]]>The reason of course is Malachi Junior - His mother’s suggested I might like to see him. She’s even agreed - As long as I pay - To let me take him skiing.
Quite a coup from my point of view - I’m already praying for snow. Next weekend I’ll be surfing the net trying to book an hotel.
In other news I’m plagued by blain - Several are on my face. Chin and cheek - Very annoying! Everyone tells me it’s stress.
Probably true - The nightmares are back. Not a huge problem - I mostly survive. The only real danger’s when Hannah sleeps over - Then I lie awake all night.
In days of yore - Whilst thrashing and screaming - I once punched a friend in the face. Not my fault but so much guilt. I can’t let it happen again.
Finally - On a happier note - A guy from work’s invited me dancing. Polish Folk - Hence the Title - Naff but Apt the End ... x
]]>Opera and ballet to be concise. Giselle and Carmen being precise.
Entre nous ... and entre Acts ... the man escaped by feigning illness.
Fully cognisant across the road an excellent pub stood empty.
Recently ... both tut and for shame ... the man’s resumed his habit of smoking.
Currently puffing on twenty a day. Always alone outside in the rain.
Okay! Not true! But that’s how it feels! When did life become so restrictive?
Whatever the answer it’s time to escape. I wanna be Dryden’s noble savage!
How and where poses a problem - I’ll have to give this serious thought.
Meanwhile methinks for sure and for certain As Free As Nature First Made Man ain’t gonna happen in Croyden!
Adam ... x
]]>Eons ago he wrote a blog - Then one day he suddenly stopped.
Okay! Not true! Well not exactly! What actually happened was Life.
He met someone who lovingly said - Write about me and you’re dead!
Rather bemused the guy said - What!? She replied that blogging's for children!
Rather than argue though heavy of heart he smiled and muttered You’re probably right.
Eager to please he slowly deleted every word he’d ever written.
Big mistake - Act in haste - Now he’s feeling rather frustrated.
FYI - They’re still together. For mutual convenience we’ll call him Adam.
He’s happy and healthy. He's working hard. And missing you all like crazy!
Anon ... x
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