Albert’s Right To Life

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Albert’s Right To Life

by Kibitz @ 2009-11-13 – 08:03:31

Every morning when taking my shower I bid a Good Day to young Albert.

A placid arachnid who dwells in a corner which I desperately try not to splash.

We’ve been firm mates since the day I moved in - I don’t have the heart to evict him.

Discounting the worms I kept as a child he’s the nearest I’ve come to owning a pet.

I've never been afraid of spiders - Though sometimes I ponder their diet.

A friend of mine firmly believes they munch on our hair when we’re sleeping.

Anyways - The point of this waffle - I’ve finally managed to hire a cleaner.

An impoverished student who calls himself Viz - He’ll nip in and Do while I’m at work.

Naturally I’ve shown him young Albert - Requesting politely he steer clear of murder.

His reluctant agreement caused me concern so I added that spiders are sacred to Jews.

Really - He said - Like cows to Hindus? Yep - Says I - Precisely so!

Okay - I know - T'is total hokum! But Albert survives! Shalom and Lochaim!

Adam ... x
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- Spiders And Lies

50 Comments to Albert’s Right To Life

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- jackfrost ^Pro
- 2009-11-13 @ 08:06:48
Spiders thrive in our house. i am amazed at there tenacity over web construction..they just keep going and trying.
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 08:22:01
  Mornin' Jack,
  
  Aren‘t they amazing!?
  
  I wish I shared their determination!
  
  Adam .. x
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- brokendownangel ^Pro
- 2009-11-13 @ 08:07:17
That is brilliant! He is gonna feel soooo bad if he accidentally swooshes him away whilst cleaning the shower room
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 08:23:45
  Hi BD ..
  
  You approve of my fibbing!?
  
  Lol - Somehow that doesn’t surprise me!!
  
  Adam ... x
  - - brokendownangel ^Pro
    - 2009-11-13 @ 08:25:19
    Well, it is for the greater good after all
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- happy28 ^Pro
- 2009-11-13 @ 08:25:31
crazy man! go buy a hamster or something!
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 08:39:18
  Hi There Happy - What an excellent idea!?
  
  One feels obliged to point out however that Albert’s much lower maintenance!
  
  Adam ... x
  - - happy28 ^Pro
    - 2009-11-14 @ 18:51:19
    hamsters 'may' be higher maintenance, but they show more affection than spiders!
    
    x
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- bunnybunbunbun
- 2009-11-13 @ 08:29:40
That was a good idea although maybe Albert will need to learn how to do some Jewish things now so that he will be convincing and then he will be safer and I do not know what that is but maybe you can teach him some songs or something while you are in the shower :¬)
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 08:40:21
  Hello Bun!
  
  You’re right of course!
  
  Tomorrow I’ll buy him a Yarmulke!
  
  Adam ... x
  - - bunnybunbunbun
    - 2009-11-13 @ 21:23:52
    I do not know what that is but is it a sort of hat and if it is should I have one do you think?... because I do like hats very much :¬)
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- Miza-T
- 2009-11-13 @ 09:58:30
Bol

Well, you don't have to buy food, pay vet bills, just perfect!

And Viz believed that? Oh dear...

Long live Albert!

xx
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 10:19:56
  Howdy Miza!
  
  Yep Indeedy! Viva Alberto the perfect pet!!
  
  Viz believed absolutely! The term callow youth springs to mind!
  
  Adam ... x
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- xmillyxxx ^Pro
- 2009-11-13 @ 11:02:05
..some people will believe anything!!

I hate spider's so would have quit on the spot..Sacred creatures or not! x
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 11:19:13
  Lol - Hi Milly!
  
  You have my sympathy!
  
  And yet - Quite inexplicably!
  
  I‘m suddenly tempted to post a photo!!
  
  Adam ... x
  - - xmillyxxx ^Pro
    - 2009-11-13 @ 11:25:35
    Please don't..I may have nightmares..
    
    And my knight in shining armour turned out to be a tosser in tinfoil so I have no one to rescue me from the torment of the nightmares..You could'nt possibly inflict such mightmares on a fair maiden..
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- lilian1
- 2009-11-13 @ 11:53:22
Oh you are brave Adam Im terrified of them but hate to murder them (Ive got a spider catcher works a treat) just turf them out outside ! no photos please we believe you!! x
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 15:56:16
  Hi There Lilian!
  
  Don’t worry - No pics!
  
  I happen to know he's camera shy!
  
  Spider Catcher - Very clever! Unless your name’s Albert of course!
  
  Adam ... x
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- malakeas ^Pro
- http://www.blog.co.uk/user/malakeas
- 2009-11-13 @ 12:17:12
Eeeep. Spideys and me do not get along. Have a great Friday.
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 15:58:39
  Howdy Mala!
  
  Eeeep - You too!?
  
  Albert would weep if only he knew!!
  
  Adam ... x
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- miramaze
- 2009-11-13 @ 13:32:11
Bless Albert ... might be Albertina

It's a wonderful thing you are doing, our Adam

Happy Friday 13th

XX
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 16:02:40
  Hello Mira - Albertina!?
  Good point - Well made - Etcetera!
  
  Tonight I’ll wear my jocks in the shower!
  T’is wonderful (not) if I’m being a flasher!!
  
  Friday Thirteenth - You can’t scare me!!
  He typed and twitched with nervous glances!
  
  Adam ... x
  - - miramaze
    - 2009-11-13 @ 16:13:46
    LoL
    
    Just joking about Friday the thirteenth. It's turned out quite lucky for me ... both phone AND internet are working now , touch wood.
    
    May your Friday and shower escapades be pleasurable
    
    oh and btw ...does Hannah know about Albert ?
    
    xxx
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- IgorAkineev
- http://www.facebook.com/dicko91
- 2009-11-13 @ 14:41:34
I think we'll be getting a rat infestation before any spiders with the amount of mess there is in our flat!
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 16:06:01
  Hi There Dan! Rats could be fun!
  
  They’re intelligent critters! Or so I’ve been told.
  
  If roaches appear - Let me know! And I’ll lend you Viz for a day!
  
  Adam ... x
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- pompeycaulkhead
- 2009-11-13 @ 16:14:55
Hi Adam

You realise that if your cleaner accidently dispatches it to the great web in the sky he will have a nervous breakdown!!!!!!!! LOL
James
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 17:02:42
  Howdy James!
  
  Breakdown indeed!!
  
  I’d probably kill him before that happened.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - pompeycaulkhead
    - 2009-11-13 @ 17:55:57
    Hi Adam
    What the spider or the cleaner????????????
    
    James
    - - Kibitz
      - 2009-11-14 @ 06:40:44
      Mornin' James - I see your point.
      
      In the interests of clarity - I kill Viz!
      
      He who dispatches young Albert so cruelly!
      
      In your scenario - Accidentally! Pah! Yeah right! Etcetera!
      
      Adam ... x
      - pompeycaulkhead
        
        2009-11-14 @ 17:25:32
        
        Hi Adam
        
        Christ. That was a little existential!!!!!!! My hangover hath returned!!!!!!!!
        Take care pal.
        James
        
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- sexymf ^Pro
- 2009-11-13 @ 16:46:32
Viz is clearly a bear of very little brain. But then an Apprentice last year thought an Iman or a Priest could bless a chicken and make it kosher! Youth of today, eh?

As for spiders, if you love him, set him free!
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-13 @ 17:06:36
  Hi There Sexy! Apprentice - Yep!
  
  If I remember correctly the guy was a Jew!
  
  Lol - Set free!? Have you seen today’s weather!?
  
  Viz and brain and youf of today - One tuts ad infinitum!
  
  Adam ... x
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- cj592 ^Pro
- 2009-11-13 @ 18:44:37
I knew spiders were sacred to jews. its got something to do with the legs... the same number as on the menorah. Thats why whenever I det fire to a spiders leg, I always say a prayer
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-14 @ 06:44:08
  Morning CJ!
  
  An excellent comment.
  
  I actually giggled then tittered aloud.
  
  After which I choked on my coffee!
  
  For which I’m afraid I shall never forgive you!
  
  Amen ... x
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- QueeneMab
- 2009-11-13 @ 20:57:11
Hope Albert has a good day. I am fond of spiders.

X
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-14 @ 06:48:04
  Hi Mab - You are!?
  
  That’s surprisingly rare!
  
  Are you perchance an entomologist?
  
  Adam ... x
  - - QueeneMab
    - 2009-11-14 @ 09:45:20
    Strangely I am not.
    
    BUT
    
    People's fear and digust of them is generally misplaced - they are useful creatures I think and we should respect them. I am less fond of one or two varieties one example of which I encountered under neath my sunlounger in a hotel in the Australian outback, although to be fair to him/her, she/he did not bite me.
    
    X
    
    X
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- kendersrule ^Pro
- 2009-11-13 @ 21:09:25
What does your cleaner do? Hoover, washing up, dusting?
Roomba, dishwasher, no ornaments and taadaaaaa! No more cleaner
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-14 @ 06:52:18
  Hey Kenders!
  
  No more cleaner - Total nightmare!
  
  I've never been one for domestication!
  
  He hoovers etcetera plus irons and shops!
  
  He started Monday. My apartment's immaculate!
  
  If he keeps this up I'll probably marry him!!
  
  Adam ... x
  - - kendersrule ^Pro
    - 2009-11-14 @ 09:33:07
    There's a word I'm thinking of, I believe it's 'anathema'
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- GilraenH ^Pro
- http://www.gilraen.blog.co.uk
- 2009-11-14 @ 00:46:47
Spiders keep the flys away - you hang on to him, he's doing more good than harm! I'm not arachnopobic, but they creep me out a bit. That being said, I could never kill one.
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-14 @ 06:55:40
  Howdy Gil - Flies sound right.
  
  Later I’ll google and learn a bit more.
  
  Never kill - An excellent policy!
  
  Spider Catchers exist apparently!
  
  Mayhap you’d find one a useful investment?
  
  Adam ... x
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- indigoblue
- http://indigoblue
- 2009-11-15 @ 07:48:53
I have a spider catcher! I also have a pet spider living in the toilet. Its funny how we can become attached to them!
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-15 @ 16:40:15
  Hi There Indi! Attached - Absolutely!
  
  In my case of course it’s because I’m so needy!
  
  Spider Catcher - Mother too! Yep! I browsed your blog!
  
  Adam ... x
  - - indigoblue
    - http://indigoblue
    - 2009-11-15 @ 17:11:52
    LOL I'm also needy!!
    
    my mother is terrified of spiders....
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2009-11-15 @ 13:24:18
you remind me a little of douglas adams when you write. thats a compliment because hes amazing.
i have a pet spider called ebony
also as most of the men i know hate spiders i have to rescue them (the spiders) from various sheds, baths, dusty corners on a regular basis
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-15 @ 16:45:28
  Howdy NT - Adams? Really!?
  
  Gosh - And Thanks - Although!
  
  Methinks my style’s more Dostoevsky!
  
  Rescues - Impressive! Regards to Ebony!
  
  Adam ... x
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- taylor8ash
- 2009-11-15 @ 15:53:48
albert!!??
honestly... you should be more careful....you mention shower and albert and i immediately think your have a chat with johnson everymorning!??

or is that just my twisted mind?

ash x

ps if a spider is in my house it dies.
- - Kibitz
  - 2009-11-15 @ 16:52:25
  Lol - Hi Ash!
  
  Your reference eludes me!
  
  Unless that is Johnson means Pee Pee!?
  
  In which of course it’s definitely your mind.
  
  Oh! And arachnicide is a terrible thing!! Ash The Assassin! One weeps!!
  
  Adam ... x
  - - taylor8ash
    - 2009-11-16 @ 19:54:14
    yes dear your johnson is your pee pee.
    *tuts*
    
    its is not terrible....they are big black and hairy with lots of legs....im shit scared of them.
    
    if they arent too large some are thrown off my balcony....if they are monsters...i mash em with a magazine until you cant tell it was a spider.
    
    its nothing personal...actually it is!
    
    ash x
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