Polish dancing - Total disaster. I've now been twice - I'm not improving. It's something to do with the music methinks. That or I'm showing my age.

For one of the jigs the men danced together. Not really my thing - Despite being Metro. I started to giggle. I tried self control. Then promptly set about choking.

Loathe as I am to seek attention - He lied straight faced and carried on typing. Slaps on the back reminiscent of punches will never be my chosen method.

Once recovered I sat with the women - A Polish take on the Naughty Step? Chatted and smiled and received invitations - One to a dinner and one to a party.

Awesome - Thanks - Says I swigging Tyskie. My fourth or sixth - I’m crap with numbers! As soon as I mentioned Hannah however all of them seemed to lose interest.

After the session I drove home with Pawel to meet his wife and son. He and I were rather merry - His wife was far from impressed.

We ate - We drank - We talked non stop. For a while I played with their lad in the garden. When darkness fell - So did I. Into a coma slumped on their sofa.

I slept for an hour then abruptly awoke - To a unified chorus of Adam You’re Snoring! So sorry - I yawned - My behaviour’s disgraceful. At which point alas I unwittingly farted.

Adam ... x