News Flash - I'm Selfish

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News Flash - I'm Selfish

by Kibitz @ 2008-08-12 – 10:22:18

I've met my girlfriend's parents five times. They're excellent people. Not too religious.

Her father's awesome. He laughs at my jokes. He’s quite the scholar and smokes a pipe.

Her mother however’s obsessed with the Chupa. That traditional symbol of Home Sweet Home.

Okay .. one day .. I’d like to be married.

I'd even consent to have ten kids. If that's what it takes to make people happy.

But not quite yet. I have a career. I intend to succeed. I want a future.

Added to which I’m not in love. I kinda guess that makes a difference.

I could acquiesce and go with the flow. The idea's quite tempting. No more alone.

I could be a bounder .. a scoundrel .. or cad. But decent people deserve respect.

I’ve therefore decided to end it completely. Relationships aren’t for the selfish.

Adam ... x
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71 Comments on News Flash - I'm Selfish

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- hebburndelboy
- http://hebburndelboy.blog.co.uk
- 2008-08-12 @ 10:31:40
good luck, if you're not in love then you're doing the right thing mate.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 10:37:58
  I’m glad you agree.
  
  I’ll be doing the deed the weekend.
  
  Unless of course I bottle ... Adam.
  - - hebburndelboy
    - http://hebburndelboy.blog.co.uk
    - 2008-08-12 @ 14:03:34
    I've been there mate and being in a loveless relationship nwarly killed me. you're best of out of it.
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- EllieGant
- 2008-08-12 @ 10:32:17
Not selfish - just honest and clear about what you want from life.

Can't think of much worse for the ten kids than a loveless marriage!
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 10:41:29
  Me neither.
  
  I had more than enough of that with my parents.
  
  But then their marriage was kinda arranged.
  
  So not entirely their fault.
  
  Adam ... x
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- cj592 ^Pro
- 2008-08-12 @ 10:34:24
Sounds like the right decision. There is plenty of time... and who knows what may happen in the future
After all, there are plenty more Pork Pies in the Bar Mitzvah
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- - cj592 ^Pro
  - 2008-08-12 @ 10:36:59
  PS- you're not selfish. Being selfish would be continuing with it just to get what you want out of it, knowing that you really don't feel the same
  - - Kibitz
    - 2008-08-12 @ 10:48:32
    All True .. I guess.
    
    Apart from Pork Pies.
    
    But I still have this feeling I’m selfish.
    
    I so hate letting good people down.
    
    Adam ... x
    - - cj592 ^Pro
      - 2008-08-12 @ 11:01:34
      That makes you a gentleman (and not selfish)
      Unless you take Jaspers' advice then that makes you a cad!
      
      PS- are you saying that someone ate all the pork pies?
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    - - happy28 ^Pro
      - 2008-08-12 @ 21:14:41
      letting her down would be letting her believe it could be permanent, at least this way she can move on and meet someone who is ready to settle, you'd spend your whole life wondering 'what if' if you settle before you are ready.
      
      Ps - don't settle for second best! You are worth more than that.
      
      x
      - Kibitz
        
        2008-08-13 @ 10:23:03
        
        Lol .. Thanks Happy.
        
        I’m not sure I’m worth much at all if I’m honest.
        
        But I know what you mean and I’ll wait till it’s right.
        
        Adam ... x
        
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- Old-Nick ^Pro
- 2008-08-12 @ 10:41:14
Honesty hurts in the short term, living a lie will cause far more pain later.

Do the right thing,

Yeah like I'd know anything about that!
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 10:52:51
  Do the right thing.
  
  Mmmm .. not so easy.
  
  Especially when it feels so wrong.
  
  But you’re right .. honesty’s essential.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - misspoison
    - 2008-09-21 @ 00:14:32
    did you end it then? if it felt so wrong then maybe it was! How long were you with her? you might not of been in love with her, but love takes time.
    - - Kibitz
      - 2008-09-21 @ 07:37:38
      I did indeed .. End it all.
      
      She and her parents wanted marriage.
      
      After only two months that was far too soon.
      
      Love takes time .. Mmm .. Love grows was their conviction.
      
      Adam ... x
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- kendersrule ^Pro
- 2008-08-12 @ 10:42:31
Good for you, is best xx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 10:54:38
  Not if her father kills me!
  
  Adam ... x
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-08-12 @ 10:54:56
Hey Kibitz,

Give her a good seeing to first!

BTW, I thought that all marriages were arranged, otherwise it would just be a shambles.

Oh aye (re: the old lady)...there is now't wrong with 'aving a cuppa.

Keith
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 11:10:57
  Hey Keith,
  
  Well done .. You did it.
  
  You’ve made me smile.
  
  The moment my guilt abates ..
  
  I’ll be back with a witty rejoinder.
  
  Adam ... x
  
  P.S. And please don’t say .. Well .. that’ll be a first.
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- lucreziaborgia ^Pro
- 2008-08-12 @ 11:00:55
Better now. Far, far better now. Besides, WHAT are you doing, meeting a girlfriend's parents at your age? Whatever happened to 'playing the field'?

xxLuxx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 11:15:48
  Lol ..
  
  Playing the field.
  
  That’s so far removed from my Modus Vivendi.
  
  I fear you’d find me a huge disappointment.
  
  Adam ... x
  
  P.S. Now .. Later. You’re right.
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- sidejump
- 2008-08-12 @ 11:11:29
so the 3-some is off then?
Old Nick is right, take it from those of us who are a little older
I reckon it is great that you know what you want, and what you do not want. It will be hard for your girlfriend, but better now than 10 years down the line
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 11:37:08
  I think you and Nick et al are right.
  But long term’s so far away it’s imponderable.
  
  Near term I have to look into eyes ...
  And speak words I know will be hurtful.
  
  Not easy. Not good.
  Not really my style.
  A bit like threesome’s really.
  
  Adam ... x
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-08-12 @ 11:45:48
I'm thinking more sensible than selfish.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 11:55:46
  Thanks ..
  
  And I do kinda see that.
  
  But I’m not feeling good.
  
  I keep wondering what I did to mislead.
  
  I guess I’ll never know.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - deleted user (Visitor)
    - 2008-08-12 @ 12:08:28
    Well you could always ask her if you are feeling brave
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- subville
- http://subville.blog.co.uk/
- 2008-08-12 @ 11:49:27
It's way better to finish now. It's not love so there's no point just wasting time together with her feeling all warm and fuzzy. All that guilt! You'd resent her.

Respect

*high fives you*
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 12:07:17
  Respect - High fives.
  
  Lol .. Not quite the response I’d expected.
  
  But hey .. That’s great .. I enjoy surprises.
  
  FYI - We’ve arranged to meet for lunch this Friday.
  
  I’m currently preparing my farewell speech.
  
  What I’ve written so far sounds total crap.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - subville
    - http://subville.blog.co.uk/
    - 2008-08-12 @ 12:22:46
    The response is from someone who has experienced lack of integrity. It's not nice. I'm //vaguely// educated, it's painful to be led on a wild goose chase. Knowing something isn't right and being lied to is awful.
    
    Truth - woohoo! lol
    
    Don't over-think it. Simple is best. You care for her but know she wants more etc.
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-08-12 @ 12:08:00
Maybe its for the best Adam that way you are not leading her or them to think there is a future in it.
But ten children one day,are you absolutely sure that is what you want and what she will want,hey she as to have them, and knocking out just a couple of kids can be anything but easy, and the end result can put a lot of strain on a relationship.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 15:23:05
  I agree .. ten kids .. a potential nightmare.
  
  But don't worry ..
  
  That number's merely a theoretical example.
  
  Of what I might one day consent to do ..
  
  If that’s what it takes to make people happy.
  
  In reality I’d like two or three. Triplets would be nice.
  
  Adam ... x
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-08-12 @ 12:12:23
i never thought im going to say that but here it comes...

breaking up with your girlfriend was a nice thing to do

[sounds terrible, doesn't it?]

and im sure she'll appreciate it [though latter rather than sooner]

and you'll fall in love one day{i think...]

take care
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 15:28:06
  A nice thing to do ..
  
  An interesting choice of words ...
  
  But I think I know what you mean.
  
  Subs amongst others having enlightened me.
  
  As to my one day falling in love ..
  
  Mmm ... I’m still optimistic but slightly more sceptical.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - deleted user (Visitor)
    - 2008-08-13 @ 14:15:39
    you have to be optimistic!
    
    so do I!
    
    there's no other possibility!
    
    [hugs]
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- smitty1247
- 2008-08-12 @ 13:47:43
Sounds like your doing the right thing.

You got to make Adam happy first.

Unless your getting out b/c your scared.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 15:31:30
  Scared ..
  
  You mean of commitment?
  
  Mmm .. No .. I don’t think so.
  
  I’ll have to think about that one.
  
  Adam ... x
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- Prettyintelligentprincess
- 2008-08-12 @ 14:54:31
You will be doing the right thing if she loves you and you do not love her back...it's not taken long though has it?

Good luck!
Pip x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-12 @ 15:36:16
  Thanks ...
  
  And you're right .. Not long at all.
  Which I guess is part of my problem.
  
  But that's how it is with some Jewish families.
  Marriage comes first - Love's expected to follow.
  
  So it may not be she actually loves me ..
  But she has made it clear she holds expectations.
  
  If that makes any sense .. Adam.
  
  xxx
  - - kendersrule ^Pro
    - 2008-08-13 @ 09:26:20
    Bloody hell!
    You haven't been dating her for long!
    
    1. do not follow a script. Sure have notes, but it'll be less hurtful to her if you sound genuine and heartfelt in you dropage.
    
    2. Could just try explaining that you aren't looking for marriage just yet and let //her// do the dropping
    
    3. In my sleep deprived state yesyerday I failed to realise this will mean you will shortly be **single**
    More steamy pics please!
    - - Kibitz
      - 2008-08-13 @ 11:13:59
      1. Okay. Point taken. Flash notes only. In pocket in case of emergency.
      
      2. Let her drop me. That would be good.
      
      FYI .. My current ideas include .. My patent immaturity.
      
      3. Lol .. First you’re tired. Now you’re delirious. Steamy pics? What do you mean?
      
      Adam ... x
      - kendersrule ^Pro
        
        2008-08-13 @ 11:17:04
        
        Oh peeerrrleeeeease! The pics of you w/o any drawers on! Oh sure we couldn't //see// but mmmmmmmmmm!
        
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-08-12 @ 21:12:35
Selfless...not selfish.
The selfish thing to do would be to pretend you hadn't noticed that you wanted different things.
No love...no future...be brave...x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-13 @ 10:18:12
  Don’t worry.
  I shall be Brave.
  
  Not forgetting ...
  Bloody .. Bold .. And Resolute.
  
  Unless I catch a cold ... Adam.
  
  P.S. Can you tell I’m feeling brighter this morning?
  
  xxx
  - - deleted user (Visitor)
    - 2008-08-13 @ 21:44:04
    If you catch a cold...I'll send Lemsip...glad you're feeling brighter...once the deed's done, let it go...xxx
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- xmillyxxx ^Pro
- 2008-08-12 @ 21:15:38
I think by ending it, you are being truthfull to yourself, not selfish.

It would only hurt you both more if it continued.

We all have the right to be happy... do what makes you happy hun.

all the best xxx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-13 @ 10:31:02
  Thanks ..
  
  I’m feeling quite positive this morning.
  
  Last night I had a long chat with a friend.
  
  He helped me regain my sense of perspective.
  
  I’ve two days remaining to find the right words.
  
  Avoiding .. if poss ... It’s Not You It’s Me.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - xmillyxxx ^Pro
    - 2008-08-13 @ 21:36:44
    Avoid the 'It's not you' thing at all costs!! Us woman are funny creatures ya know
    
    Good luck hun xx
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- happy28 ^Pro
- 2008-08-12 @ 21:21:35
i met my hubbys parents about five zillion times before he'd even proposed - he was living at home still! But meeting people 5 times is hardly the basis for a long term commitment.

If I think of all the scoundrels and unsuitable types I had my heart set on before I settled with my hubby (who is also my closest friend) I am glad I waited.

Marriage is (theoretically at least) a long commitment, and you should take into consideration both your aspirations. And I think, for a marriage to grow you need to be supporting each other all the time.

Well done you, and don't bottle out!
Besides, if it's meant to be you'll find your way back to each other - my friend dated a boy from when she was 16yrs to just shy of her 21st. They split up as they wanted different things, 5 years later they have both pursued careers, they met up again and got back together, and became parents not much more than a year after getting back together!

hugs and loving the profile pic
x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-13 @ 10:41:03
  Great last paragraph.
  Romance. Kismet. A Happy Ending.
  Lol .. I’ve tears in my eyes.
  
  Marriage a long commitment.
  Absolutely. Mine will be for life.
  I firmly believe that’s possible.
  Despite more modern cynical views.
  
  Your hubby - Your closest friend.
  Many I know would be very envious.
  
  My profile pic. Recognisable me.
  I’m delighted it pleases Milady.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - happy28 ^Pro
    - 2008-08-13 @ 19:16:01
    i too believe marriage can last for life. That's what I'm aimin for anyway, his grand folk have been married for 60 years nearly!
    
    You do find though that you grow together, he and I have both broadened our taste in music, film nd food towards each other, We're a team.
    
    Hope you find what you need.
    
    How's this secondment business going?
    
    x
    - - Kibitz
      - 2008-08-14 @ 08:03:25
      Secondment ..
      
      We've yet to hear the result.
      
      It's expected before the end of the month.
      
      Good or bad I'll let you know.
      
      Adam ... x
      
      P.S. Sixty years .. may Team Happy achieve something similar!
      - happy28 ^Pro
        
        2008-08-16 @ 08:54:23
        
        thanks!
        
        and good luck with both the secondment and the droppage as it appears to now be known!
        
        x
        
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- Miza-T
- 2008-08-13 @ 11:56:23
Tell her you are gay!end of speech!

Now seriously you are toooooooo young, plenty of time to fall in love, just don't look for it and it will happen

xx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-13 @ 16:46:43
  Lol ..
  
  What if I say - I’m gay.
  
  And she says - I know.
  
  Are you sure you’ve thought this through?
  
  Adam ... x
  
  P.S. I’ll try not to look .. er .. too hard.
  
  xxx
  - - deleted user (Visitor)
    - 2008-08-13 @ 18:07:02
    or worse...
    
    she/he says I know...I'm a man!
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  - - Miza-T
    - 2008-08-13 @ 23:59:36
    ha ha ha LOL
    
    xx
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- mornin77
- 2008-08-13 @ 13:43:44
...Hi guy, You are better than most, most would hang
on just for the hanging on and make it worse. Tell her
you love her as a person, but have to be honest with yourself and with her, you are not in love with her, please don't tell her you are not ready. Everybody is ready if the right lightening bolt hits you in the right place. You read into that what you will. You will have to make it short and sweet
not long and drawn out. She's going to cry and you are going to feel more guilty, which you should not. Life is short, people have gotten married and wondered why? At least you are in touch with your feelings. The lady will move on, I would bring a small bouquet of yellow roses as a sign of friendship.
Good luck, all will turn out well. Take care.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-13 @ 16:52:55
  Hi Gal ..
  
  Short and concise - Gotcha.
  
  Yellow roses .. Mmmm ..
  Arriving with flowers might set the wrong scene.
  I know. I’ll have some delivered the following day.
  
  Tears - no surprise - that’s what I dread the most.
  I’d honestly rather she thumped me or something.
  
  As for feeling guilty .. that’s my natural state.
  About everything ... and everyone ... everywhere.
  
  Adam.
  
  P.S. All will be well? I’ll cling to that thought. And thanks .. x
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- taylor8ash
- 2008-08-13 @ 18:42:18
hey,

tough choice but i believe you did the right thing.
i think there is no point being with someone who is ok or just nice. where will that leave u in 30 years time?? in a loveless marriage??
hold out till u find that someone who is everything you want and more and that someone who makes u a better person.
a load of cliche mush i know but i'd rather be on my own than make do.
brave man for ending it.
ash xx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-14 @ 07:54:51
  Someone who makes u a better person.
  
  That’s actually quite a beautiful concept.
  
  All joking aside .. I need improving.
  
  Not because I’m some monstrous person ..
  
  But because at times I’m a tad too .. er .. wayward.
  
  Lol .. but that‘s a whole other story .. or three.
  
  So I shan’t bore you rigid with details.
  
  If I did - You’d find me a huge disappointment.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - taylor8ash
    - 2008-08-14 @ 23:32:51
    oooo now im intruged....wayward??
    i wanna know all! what kinda wayward we talking here??spill boy!?
    dont worry u wont ruin anything...ur already a disappointment(joke)
    
    ash x
    - - Kibitz
      - 2008-08-15 @ 16:21:35
      Lol ...
      
      In that case.
      
      Spill I will.
      
      When the time feels right.
      
      Adam ... x
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- antlady69 ^Pro
- http://antmusic-forever.blog.co.uk
- 2008-08-14 @ 05:54:43
Man! Everybody's already said what I was going to say
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-14 @ 06:22:02
  You could always play Devil’s Advocate.
  
  You know the kinda thing.
  
  Yes Adam - You’re right.
  
  You’re mean, cruel and very selfish ..
  
  And everyone here now despises you!
  
  Adam ... x
  
  P.S. Thanks .. for what .. I know .. you would have really written.
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- la_spice
- 2008-08-19 @ 11:02:46
You really are doing the right thing - honest

And you are a brave man for doing so!

Take care and stop being so hard on yourself!

Lecture over!
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-19 @ 11:09:21
  Thanks for keeping the lecture short.
  
  I’ve done the deed. It’s now all over.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - la_spice
    - 2008-08-19 @ 11:14:43
    Yes - I've just been catching up - as for losing friends and nasty PMs it's a minority thing.
    
    Talking of which did you see this:
    
    http://goodshiplollipop.blog.co.uk/2008/08/18/dishwasher-for-elliegant-4605308
    - - Kibitz
      - 2008-08-19 @ 11:34:29
      Lol ..
      
      I have now.
      
      He looks a tad like the younger me.
      
      Adam ... x
      - la_spice
        
        2008-08-19 @ 11:40:54
        
        He was supposed to!
        
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- realityjumper
- http://www.realityjumper.blog.co.uk
- 2008-08-21 @ 21:04:39
don't use notes because's theres no way you or her will stay on script, if you send her flowers your setting her up for a bigger fall and if you bring them with you on break up night you may just get hit with them!
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-22 @ 06:54:31
  Thanks for advice.
  
  The deed is now done.
  
  I didn't use notes. Or take flowers.
  
  What I did was waffle and mumble ad lib.
  
  Not pleasant but quite a release.
  
  Adam ... x
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News Flash - I'm Selfish

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