I Am Not An Idiot

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I Am Not An Idiot

by Kibitz @ 2008-07-21 – 07:03:30

Despite what some people say I don’t believe that I’m an idiot.

It’s true at times I’m weird. And my self expression confused.

But it's not my fault ... I fractured my skull ... a very long time ago.

Mostly I don't have a problem. When I do it’s rare that anyone knows.

But occasionally life’s just so frustrating despite myself it shows.

My latest performance occurred last night. I was at fault. I should have known better.

Visiting family always backfires. Again, and again, and then ......

Which brings me back to my starting point and why some people call me an idiot.

In short ...

My brain can’t always recognise numbers. Calculations and formulae can leave me confused.

To such an extent .. on very bad days .. I can’t even multiply five by two.

I repeat .... I am not an idiot.

I regret ..... I can be a fool.

Adam ... x
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- dyscalculia

64 Comments on I Am Not An Idiot

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- hebburndelboy
- http://hebburndelboy.blog.co.uk
- 2008-07-21 @ 07:10:32
I, on the other hand, am an idiot.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 07:13:27
  Lol ...
  
  Thanks Mr. Heb.
  
  Exactly what I needed.
  
  You've made me smile.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - hebburndelboy
    - http://hebburndelboy.blog.co.uk
    - 2008-07-21 @ 08:22:24
    I'm sitting in the caravan with my youngest son(everyone else is still in bed) watching scooby doo! tea and toast, this is the life!
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- fairplay ^Pro
- 2008-07-21 @ 07:21:22
There's a terminology for it post-acquired brain injury - dyscalculia (if you want it medicalising that is).

I've met a few people, often young post car crash, who have had problems. Outwardly they look fine but inside they are confused, bemused and struggle.

From your posts you're a clearly intelligent bloke with deep emotional insight.

Don't let the unrealising ones get you down - some people do understand!
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 07:40:44
  Thanks ...
  
  And you’re right ... some understand ... possibly most.
  
  But occasionally .. those very same people .. particularly my family ... derive great pleasure from exploiting my defects.
  
  I guess they have their reasons ... Adam.
  
  x
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- sweetymon
- 2008-07-21 @ 08:25:18
I acknowledged that I'm an idiot a long time ago, makes me feel better when I do silly things! Sorry to hear about that, but if it's any consolation, my skull's never been fractured and I can't do numbers at all, I'm shockingly bad at maths xx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 12:01:47
  You too!
  
  You mean - I'm not unique?
  
  Phew ... That's a relief.
  
  Later today I’ll edit the title.
  
  I’m An Idiot And I’m Not Alone ..
  
  Sounds so much more life affirming.
  
  Adam.
  
  P.S. Thanks .. I am consoled .. x
  - - sweetymon
    - 2008-07-21 @ 12:55:29
    I'm sure you're unique in many ways x
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-07-21 @ 08:27:41
If being bad at maths is a sign that you are an idiot, I am sure there are many of us out there!
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 12:04:41
  Lol ... very true.
  
  Being positive ..
  
  My maths has recovered over the years.
  
  Immediately following the accident ...
  
  I couldn’t read numbers at all.
  
  Adam ... x
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- Chyna_Doll
- 2008-07-21 @ 09:00:44
That's forgivable! x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 12:09:41
  Thanks ... You're too kind.
  
  A propos of nothing ...
  
  The one thing my family will never forgive ...
  
  Is that I can solve the Rubik Cube.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - kendersrule ^Pro
    - 2008-07-21 @ 12:44:41
    I CAN'T! and I'm mathsy! xx
    - - Kibitz
      - 2008-07-21 @ 14:05:29
      Lol .. see my face?
      
      That's me ..
      
      Doing smug and self satisfied.
      
      Adam ... x
      
      P.S. Er ... would it sound unforgivably boastful if I told you it takes me less than three minutes?
      - kendersrule ^Pro
        
        2008-07-21 @ 14:41:16
        
        Ha! At least it's not 10 seconds!
        
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- kendersrule ^Pro
- 2008-07-21 @ 09:08:02
parents same everywhere.
Haven't spoken to my Dad since he was an arse about some news I had a couple of months ago.
And haven't spoken to my Mum in weeks
I feel: 0 guilt
They may have brought me into the world blahblah, but I owe them nothing as they have emotionally scared me for life (blahblah).
Maths isn't for everyone, the same way IT isn't...
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 12:14:00
  Exactly ... Strengths and Weaknesses.
  
  Btw .. it wasn’t my parents giving me grief.
  
  I’ve not spoken to them since my eighteenth birthday.
  
  This was my Uncle, Aunt and Cousins ...
  
  Shortly after I’d ask them for money ...
  
  Which kinda explains their response.
  
  Adam ... x
  
  P.S. Families ... bleugh! I‘m staying single.
  - - kendersrule ^Pro
    - 2008-07-21 @ 12:43:32
    hehehe! you say that, but when you meet the right woman you'll go all goooey like Juzzzy!
    Besides, you get to not make the same mistakes your parents did, and be the bestest parent on the planet and rub their noses in it
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-07-21 @ 09:22:56
Hey Kibitz,

Well, I wouldn't want to put an upland goat amongst the pigeons, but I have to disagree with the majority. You are definitely an idiot, you've been reading my blog!

Maybe we should start an Idiots Group!

Keith
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 12:19:22
  Lol ... outed as an idiot ... I’m almost proud.
  
  An Idiots Group ... I see potential.
  
  You can count me in - or should that be out?
  
  Shoot! Told you my maths was bad.
  
  Adam ... x
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- Miza-T
- 2008-07-21 @ 09:56:05
Some parents have a subconscious pleasure in hurting their own children.
And some do it because they think they are ALWAYS right.
You are not alone, just ignore them.

I can adopt you, if you want

xx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 12:22:19
  Lol .. I want.
  
  I’ve longed for adoption since reaching eighteen.
  
  Er .. I hate to appear ungrateful.
  
  But .. er .. might one assume you have cable?
  
  Adam ... x
  - - Miza-T
    - 2008-07-21 @ 23:16:15
    I'm afraid not...sorry...but I have SKY, too many channels to watch!
    
    xx
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- lucreziaborgia ^Pro
- 2008-07-21 @ 09:58:54
Adam,

Do you know what my nickname is? 'Clotheared bat'. Do you know why? Because I am dippy. Can't do sums or anything else with numbers - my six-year-old son does work I cannot help him with! I make a damn good job at ballsing-up my life, as you can probably see from Emma's Diary. Can't 'read' people, don't understand what is good for me, end up in the ditch most of the time. I'd say that God loves us all (that's when I am not too down or feeling too guilty to care).

I would not have asked you to become a blogging friend had I not spotted something special in your posts; in your case, it was the sentiment and the brain behind them.

Families....They f*** you up. Look at me: philanderer father, psychotic mother, indifferent relatives...One can feel very lonely.

I don't think you are an idiot. Far from it. I do think you are very young and will learn in time the silly things that make one 'cultured' and 'switched on'. If that is what you want!
xxLuxx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 14:08:26
  Mmm ... Thanks Lu.
  
  Your comment made me think hard.
  
  My conclusions:
  
  Everything’s relative. I’m whinging at nothing.
  
  Compared to many I have it easy.
  
  I’ve allowed self pity to cloud my perspective.
  
  That’s it. No more. Enough.
  
  Adam ... x
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- subville
- http://subville.blog.co.uk/
- 2008-07-21 @ 10:34:30
Hmm. You seem brighter than the average to me. Maths isn't everything. Unless you have a sibling who is some kinda genius, then I suppose Maths is everything to //some// parents.

Aw crap, do they class you as the 'pretty one'

(I had a fractured skull when younger, EEG test was fine but I made them re-do it years later cos I felt a little like you do.)

Fuckit. People have different niches. x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 14:16:13
  Fuckit ... indeed.
  
  Maths meant a lot to my parents.
  
  They’d planned on my being a Doctor.
  
  No maths - no chance. They never forgave me.
  
  Or themselves to be fair. My mother was driving the car.
  
  Adam ... x
  
  P.S. Niche ... Absolutely. If I ever find mine I’ll let you know.
  
  P.P.S I’m the pretty one and only. No siblings.
  - - subville
    - http://subville.blog.co.uk/
    - 2008-07-21 @ 14:31:44
    Driving the car? Car crash, fractured skull d'you mean? That's what happened to me too. I think the only thing I lost was a stone and a half in weight when I was concussed lol
    
    I don't know if the fractured skull caused any kinda problem with me. They always class any problem as brain damage. No, there's no brain damage but what if the area that got fractured was summat to do with ...? (Our biggest disappointments about ourselves?)
    
    *hug*
    - - Kibitz
      - 2008-07-21 @ 15:34:13
      Mmm .. could be. I doubt the effects can always be measured.
      
      In one sense my case was more straight forward. Internal bleeding, swelling, short coma. The predicted prognosis fulfilled.
      
      For years my behaviour was exceptionally difficult. Mood swings, aggression and memory loss.
      
      My physical skills deserted too but with excellent therapy they returned.
      
      On balance I think I’ve been lucky. Apart from occasional dips.
      
      Ignoring the fact I ‘lost’ my parents who never stopped blaming themselves.
      
      Or G-d. Or me. And not necessarily in that order.
      
      Lol .. I’m waffling. Sorry. Er ... would you believe it’s an after effect?
      
      Adam ... x
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- trintrin1x
- 2008-07-21 @ 10:47:26
Don't take any notice of what your family says, i used to hate people calling me stupid and still do x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 14:20:27
  And understandably so ...
  
  But taking no notice.
  
  Mmm .. not that easy.
  
  It’s the frustration .. I boil ... Inside.
  
  Adam.
  
  P.S. I’m okay now. Work helps. Self pity’s fading fast.
  
  x
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- Old-Nick ^Pro
- 2008-07-21 @ 15:54:26
I have always been crap with numbers.

But I don't think I have ever fractured my skull. My stoopid is natural.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 19:34:23
  Lol ..
  
  Nice try Nick.
  
  Btw .. I bet you’d still beat me at poker.
  
  Adam ... x
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- rubychoo
- 2008-07-21 @ 18:02:46
You are obviously bright and pretty zippy ...

I'm sorry to hear about your trauma (mental, physical and emotional) as a result of the crash...which obviously affected your family too...

Did they say 'No you can't have £10,000... you're an idiot...

With money...'

In which case...join the numerically challenged idiot with money club !
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-21 @ 19:39:54
  Hey ... you're clever.
  
  That's more or less exactly what they said.
  
  Eventually - After they'd made me beg.
  
  To be fair .. my Unc was willing.
  
  My Aunt and Cousins against.
  
  Lol ... First a Group ... Now a Club.
  
  One day we Idiots shall rule the Universe!
  
  Adam.
  
  P.S. Thanks ... x
  - - rubychoo
    - 2008-07-21 @ 21:45:19
    You will not rule the universe...
    
    Until you've eaten your greens...
    
    And got that loan..
    
    (So it is writ)
    
    x
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- Prettyintelligentprincess
- 2008-07-21 @ 21:36:14
So many comments!!!!

You are very bright indeed.
Families can be difficult as you know.

I have been estranged for almost 15 years.
Yet I am accomplished in many ways, as are you.

x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-22 @ 16:27:11
  Thanks Pip ... You’re very kind ...
  
  I’m not sure I’ve personally accomplished anything.
  
  Not yet anyways.
  
  But I shall .. if only to prove the bastards wrong.
  
  In that sense my Family provides motivation.
  
  So I guess they’re not completely useless.
  
  Adam ... x
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- taylor8ash
- 2008-07-21 @ 23:24:31
hey ur not an idiot.
i cant tell the time properly, really struggle and my number skills are even weaker.
have on occassions been called stupid or thick by narrow minded people.

in all dont let the fuckers get u down!
xx
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-22 @ 16:36:20
  Mmmm ... snappy motto .. thanks.
  
  Telling time used to be one of my probs.
  
  Digital clocks - I didn't stand a chance.
  
  Yet old fashioned dials presented no problem.
  
  Now I'm okay with both ..
  
  Yep .. I know .. I'm lucky.
  
  Adam.
  
  P.S. The Motto - I hope you take your own advice ... x
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- titsaleenabumsqueak
- 2008-07-22 @ 11:37:12
Oh my god how rude of them!!!

revenge is needed lol!!!

I class myself as being a bimbo, although I have brown hair!! lol!!

'Blonde on the inside' that's me!!!

Your gorgeous, intelligent and extremly kind. So sod them!!!

P.s Sorry if I have offended anyone with the bimbo comment x x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-22 @ 16:43:26
  Bimbo - not a problem.
  
  Gorgeous - I'm troubled.
  
  I'd rather be Dashing or Suave.
  
  Revenge ... Mmmm ... excellent idea.
  
  Tonight I'll phone and tell them I'm Gay.
  
  Adam.
  
  P.S. Thanks .. x
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-07-23 @ 06:22:50
You are not an idiot.
You see the world through eyes that others should try.
Many of us grow up despite our parents and not because of them.
That makes us...survivors.
History shows that all the best people were misunderstood.
x
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-23 @ 10:06:51
  Thanks Jen ... Despite not because of ..
  
  Many would acknowledge the truth of those words.
  
  Some good news - My Uncle’s relented.
  
  He's agreed to pay my overdue rent.
  
  I’m no longer facing imminent eviction.
  
  I guess my ‘performance’ served some purpose.
  
  Adam ... x
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- 2008-07-23 @ 17:05:45
You probably lack in confidence, there are people who make some hell stupid mistakes but they cover them well, where like me you are very sensitive about the mistakes you make. Some times its being put down by people who matter to you like your father or mother can make you over sensitive. We all get mixed up and confussed when we are anxious.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-23 @ 17:19:22
  Very true.
  
  I’m definitely worse when I’m tired, stressed or .. er .. tipsy.
  
  Usually I’m not that bothered.
  
  Crack a joke and move on’s my modus vivendi.
  
  But sometimes .. just sometimes .. I do kinda lose it.
  
  Adam .. x
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- PrincessFiona
- 2008-07-25 @ 17:35:22
Well if thats the case I have a Math Phobia..

I dont know what is 10% of 100 at times so there
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-25 @ 17:49:04
  You too?
  
  I’m sorry to hear that.
  
  We ought to campaign to have Math banned.
  
  It’s clearly causing too many problems.
  
  Adam ... x
  - - PrincessFiona
    - 2008-07-25 @ 17:51:35
    yes!
    
    And guess what? Me the Math dumbo has to work on a project for finance
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- kirky
- 2008-07-28 @ 11:32:21
I've managed by assorted means to be knocked unconscious four times in my life.
I blame the first and most serious one (when I was ten), for my appalling memory and shockingly bad sense of direction.
Probably just an excuse though.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-07-28 @ 14:42:37
  Four .. Mmm ..
  
  That's gotta be some kinda record.
  
  Unless you're a Boxer.
  
  Aged Ten - May I ask what happened?
  
  Adam ... x
  - - kirky
    - 2008-07-28 @ 15:31:34
    Not a boxer but two of them were in fights while defending others.
    The first was off a bike straight into a brick wall.
    Actually after reading what I just wrote....
    Maybe I was born an idiot?
    - - Kibitz
      - 2008-07-28 @ 15:44:37
      Lol ... no way.
      
      Defending others - Born brave.
      
      Bike .. Brick wall - Blame bike.
      
      I would ... Adam.
      
      x
      - Fluffchucker
        
        2008-07-29 @ 09:50:03
        
        Sod em mate! I can tell from the stuff I've read that you are a smart fella!
        
        Numbers and the like aren't everything.
        
        Some of the best soldiers in the British Army cannot read or write.
        
        Keep up the writing and good luck pal.
        
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        Kibitz
        
        2008-07-29 @ 10:46:17
        
        Thanks ... I'll certainly do my best.
        
        To sod em AND keep writing.
        
        Speaking of which - you don't.
        
        Write - I mean. Your blog's a post free zone.
        
        Mmm .. I’m intrigued .............. Adam.
        
        x
        
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- antlady69 ^Pro
- http://antmusic-forever.blog.co.uk
- 2008-08-08 @ 11:44:57
At least you have a good (albeit sad) excuse ...

The post about Germans you commented on, I had "Cliche 1, 2, 3, 5, 6 ..."

But I have not had a fractured skull ...
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-08 @ 16:24:39
  You and clichés - I don’t believe it.
  
  Btw .. I can see the sequence is broken.
  
  But I can’t figure out which number’s missing.
  
  Lol ..
  
  But I have the perfect excuse.
  
  I’m mental. Obviously. Adam ... x
  - - antlady69 ^Pro
    - http://antmusic-forever.blog.co.uk
    - 2008-08-08 @ 16:28:35
    *BOL*
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- http://www.pindipop.blog.co.uk
- 2008-08-19 @ 11:10:25
my boyfriends the same, he cant do anything with numbers involved, its not becuase he's stupid or lazy. he's brilliant in all other subjects its just numbers he cant figure out. He took a test online which said he has something called "discalcular", which is just the inability to understand numbers and number paterns, which therefore makes him find it very hard to work out simple sums.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-08-19 @ 11:19:55
  Exactly.
  
  Dyscalculia.
  
  Mine results from an accident.
  
  Till age thirteen I was fine.
  
  Adam ... x
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- carl addlesee (Visitor)
- 2008-09-02 @ 20:29:33
hey im carl just a quick question my husband has discalcular and cnt tell the time i.e he cnt tell 15mins when it is 3:05 have you got an easy way of telling him how to tell the time as he is stating a beauty course in a few weeks and need to no how to tell the time it takes for each treatment many thanks carl xxx

look forward for ya reply .....
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-09-06 @ 10:13:32
  Hey Carl ..
  
  Apologies for taking so long to reply.
  
  I’ve been away on a few days break.
  
  I don’t know if this will help but ..
  
  My solution for any time telling problem ...
  
  Starts with wearing an analogue watch.
  
  Preferably with Roman Numerals.
  
  I think of the face as a compass ..
  
  Then set the big hand to face the top - North.
  
  When the big hand hits East - fifteen minutes.
  
  When the big hand hits South - half an hour.
  
  I’m sure you get the idea .. Good luck if you give it a try.
  
  Adam ... x
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- elly (Visitor)
- http://www.dyscalculiaforum.com
- 2008-10-19 @ 13:00:02
that was beautiful.
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- - Kibitz
  - 2008-10-19 @ 16:45:25
  Thank you.
  
  I'm amazed you found my post.
  
  I'm tempted to say What Are The Odds?
  
  But I'd not understand if you told me.
  
  So I guess there’s really no point.
  
  Adam ... x
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