I’m in the mood to tell you a joke.
This one time event will not be repeated.
I warn you now .. well in advance .. you're not gonna find it funny.
It’s the assumptions involved which crease me up. Assumptions you can’t be expected to know.
The one below I told to friends. Late one night when joyously drunk.
Nobody laughed. Apart from me. He who laughed last - laughed alone.
Anyways ...
An Italian, a Frenchman and a Jew discuss their latest bedroom adventures ....
The Italian says, "I rubbed my wife with the finest olive oil. We made wonderful love. Her screams of ecstasy lasted five minutes."
The Frenchman says, "I rubbed my wife with the sweetest butter. We made passionate love. She screamed for over an hour."
The Jew says, "I rubbed my wife with purest honey. We made lingering love. She screamed for six hours."
The others look amazed, "Six hours? How the hell did you make her scream for six hours?"
The Jewish guy shrugged, "I wiped my hands on the duvet."
The End
lucreziaborgia
Pro 
I don't know what came over me. Soon I will be back to my old Shallow and Superficial self.
Adam, I have a really good one, I hope you enjoy it too.
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The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb. She calls up her mother a few Weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'
I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'
'Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'
'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?'
'Oh Mom, replies Susan, 'I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York .'
'Honey,' Mom complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'
The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way.
Mom, I really want you to come.'
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new president's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her. 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States
The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'
Mom says proudly, 'Her brother is a doctor.'
xxLuxx