I’m in love with a woman I‘ve no chance of winning.

She’s Spanish and speaks with a mind blowing accent.

This morning she offered me freshly brewed coffee.

We chatted ... we laughed ... I asked her out.

Her radiant smile diminished the sun ... even as her head shook slowly.

My pulse skipped a beat. An eclipse of the heart.

My world's now filled with lengthening shadows.

The deepest of which is cast by her partner.

I’m a twat. I’m embarrassed. My coffee’s gone cold.

I’m off to contemplate death.

Well ... have a cigarette anyways.

Adam … x

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?

A stranger - possibly.

2. When was the last time you threw up?

April 25th at 11.46pm

3. What’s your favourite curse word?

Putz

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?

Er .. A touch of DIY.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Begging.

7. Have you ever been to a strip club?

Yes.

8. What is the last thing you said aloud?

Terminological inexactitude ...

9. When is your birthday?

Next week.

10. What is the best ice cream flavour?

Saboten Aisu

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Water

12. What are you wearing right now?

My Bathrobe ..

13. What is the last thing you ate?

A carrot.

15. When was the last time you ran?

This morning.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?

Wimbledon.

17. What's the last sport you played?

Cricket.

19. Ever go camping?

Yes - last weekend.

20.Do you have a tan?

Yes - Kinda - Tan’s my natural colour.

22.What is your guilty pleasure?

Dark Chocolate Brazils.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?

Lol .. No.

27. What are you doing tomorrow?

Going to a Friends Bar B.

28. Where is your mom right now?

Good question ..

29. Look to your left, what do you see?

A monk.

30. What color is your watch?

Black.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?

Picnic At Hanging Rock.

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?

Often.

33. What is your birthstone?

No idea.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

Go in .. no car.

35. What is your favorite number?

Infinity.

38. Have you met anyone famous?

Yes.

39. Any plans today?

Clubbing later ..

40. How many provinces have you lived in?

I don’t understand this question.

42. Where are you right now?

My apartment.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?

Don’t have any.

44. Last song listened to?

Tempus Est Jocundum.

46. Are you allergic to anything?

Nope.

47. Favourite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

No favourites. Shoes are just shoes.

49. Are you jealous of anyone?

No.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?

Possibly.

51. Do you love anyone?

No.

53. Do you eat healthy?

Of course not ...

55. Do you hate anyone or anything right now?

Yes ... This meme ... The End.

The final instalment of .... Me ... An A to Z.

M) I’ve twice been Mugged - A tad unlucky. Only my pride was hurt.

N) My Nickname used to be Piglet - The reason? My father's a Cop.

O) At school I was falsely Outed by bullies - For years those guys were a thorn in my side. Or should I say pain in the butt?

P) Some people say I’m a bit of a Poser - It’s true. I’m constantly asking questions.

Q) I’m not one to Quarrel - What’s the point? Life’s too short and I’m seldom right.

R) Speaking of Right I’m ambidextrous - My party trick’s simultaneous wRiting.

S) I love to Sing. I busked as a Student - Sensitive people would pay me to Stop.

T) For Two days in Israel I Taught children English - Teenagers mostly. They learnt how to swear.

U) As a very young child I slept Under my bed. I honestly can't remember why.

V) I lost my Virginity eight years ago. I shouldn't have bothered. She laughed.

W) My taste in Women is surprisingly catholic - Written please note with lower case ’c’.

X) My curiosity makes me a Xenophile - My long term ambitions include emigration.

Y) Once a Year I wear my Yarmulke - On Yom Kippur. It seems important.

And Finally ...

Z) The very last word in my dictionary’s Zyrian - Which kinda suggests there's no more to be Zed. The End.

Still keenly aware of my fiscal short comings I’ve borrowed not bought a two man tent.

The second this office closes tomorrow I’m peddling away for a long weekend.

I might head south.

I may head north.

Depending which way the wicked wind blows.

My destination decided by Fate ...

.... and the strength of my shaved hairy leg.

I've read numerous posts where Bloggers list random facts about themselves.

They’re a convenient method of data transfer.

So here’s my unoriginal effort - The A to Z of Me - Part One:

A) My first name’s Adam - I’m still fond of apples.

B I was Bullied at school - I always fought back. I always lost.

C) Cannabis makes me vomit - I’ve never liked vegetables.

D) I Day Dream excessively - If caught I claim to be meditating.

E) I really love Eggs - An oeuf is never enough.

F) Aged thirteen I Fractured my skull - Explains everything.

G) I’ve never read Goethe, Gide or Genet.

H) I’m Hemophobic - One drop. I swoon. It’s a bloody nuisance.

I) I spent my gap year in Israel - I’ll never go back.

J) I’m a Jew - A bad one. Let them eat pork. Sh'lom.

K) Kibitz means to chat or gossip in Yiddish.

L) I’ve never been in Love - I remain optimistic - The End ... x

My current job is also my first.

I arrived here direct from University two weeks after my graduation.

If my colleagues can be believed I’m here under false pretences.

The recruitment head hunter who sought me out mistakenly thinking me somebody else.

If true I would not be surprised. Square pegs. Round holes. And me.

Despite which I love my job.

Most of the time working alone and left to my own uncertain devices.

My role in life's interpreting data. Largely obscure and best forgotten.

On every topic under the sun. When I’m successful I'm over the moon.

My title’s Researcher. My remit wide. There’s nothing on earth I’d rather do.

Except take early retirement ... x

1. What I was doing 10 years ago:

Sleeping soundly in a hospital bed.

2. What 5 things are on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

Stop smoking.
Start smoking.
Get laid.
Stop dreaming.
Blog.

3. Snacks I enjoy:

Nuts.

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire:

Buy an island.
Live on my own.
Grow nuts.
Go nuts.
Blog.

5. Places I have lived:

Lancaster - Portsmouth - London - Caernarfon - and Here.

I tag:-

The 5 - 6 people who’ve not yet been tagged.

My contract at work’s been renewed.

A truly momentous occasion.

The terms include a salary hike.

I’m close to the level where tax becomes payable.

My sense of relief is enormous. My total surprise beaming out.

I rarely smile idiot style ... today I’m making a worthy exception.

My colleagues suggested we celebrate. It's clear their surprise surpasses mine.

The tragedy is my wallet lies empty and all my cards have been destroyed.

I’m happy. I’m broke. I’ve borrowed a twenty.

I’m off to buy a dozen cream cakes .... x

I've been thinking.

Primarily about my lack of direction.

I'm sorely in need of a firm destination.

Drifting through life’s all well and good.

But objectives are needed to meet ones desires.

Should I aim low and hit the target?

Or daringly reach for the skies?

Whatever the answer - I need a holiday.

Yes. I’ve been thinking.

And here’s the proof ....

The day my parents showed me the door is the day I declared myself an orphan.

The trauma of leaving lasted five minutes.

Their cheque in my hand offered ample solace.

Five years on I wish them well. I tell everyone my parents are dead.

I never give details. That would be lying. My orphan statement’s more of a metaphor.

The nearest I have to a parent now is my landlord who lives in the flat below mine.

He's the only person I'd trust with my wallet.

At present I owe him two thousand back rent.

My credit card payment's four hundred minimum. I think I’m in a bit of a mess.

It's not a huge problem. I’ve been here before.

Tomorrow I'll sell another kidney .....